<!-- Begin meta tags generated by ORblogs --> </meta name="keywords" content="progressive, liberal, politics, government, edit, language, grammar, accuracy, honesty, clarity, world, news, media" /> </> <!-- End meta tags generated by ORblogs -->> Editor at Large: Deciphering Bushspeak

Monday, April 04, 2005

Deciphering Bushspeak

You may have seen one of the lists of "Bushspeak" definitions making the rounds; here are excerpts of one from today's "Daily Mojo," an e-newsletter from Mother Jones Magazine:

Abuse: Modern word for what was once referred to as torture. An interim term, soon to be replaced by "tough love" (which, in turn, is expected to be replaced by "freedom's caress").

Burning Bush: A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

Checks and Balances: The system whereby the campaign checks of the few balance the interests of the many.

China: See WalMart.

Death: An increasingly rare phenomenon, no longer occurring among soldiers of the U.S. army or civilians in affected countries. However, the media reports that death is still caused by lone gunmen and over-consumption of saturated fats as well as natural disasters.

Democracy: 1. A product so extensively exported that the domestic supply is depleted. 2. When they vote for us. (See Tyranny: When they vote for someone else.)

Free Speech Zone: The area to which those who differ from the administration are confined should they be so audacious as to wish to exercise their right of free speech.

Free Press: 1. Government propaganda materials covertly funded with a quarter of a billion dollars of taxpayer money but given out for free to the press and then broadcast without any acknowledgment of the government's role in their preparation. 2. Newspapers that obscure the truth on behalf of corporate and government interests for free.

Healthy Forests: Forests made safe from the ravages of nature, i.e., bugs and fires, by removal to pulp mills and lumber yards.

Homeland Security: Synonymous with Homeland insecurity.

Intelligence: What Dick Cheney wants and the CIA must provide--or else. (See Iraq, weapons of mass destruction.)

Oil: 1. Black gold. 2. (defunct acronym) Operation Iraqi Liberation or OIL (name changed to Operation Iraqi Freedom, OIF, without explanation). 3. What the Bush administration wasn't after in Iraq and isn't after in Iran. (See Democracy.)

Ownership Society: You no longer own your national parks, your public transit, your commons, your government, your Bill of Rights, or your future, but you may purchase a Burger King franchise or some stocks with your WalMart earnings.

Patriotism: How Americans love their country. A trait so positive you can't have too much of it, and if you do, then you are a super-patriot which couldn't be better. (Foreigners cannot be patriotic. See Nationalism.)

Peace: What war is for.

Republican Party: A party that assails the foundations of the Republic, attacking the balance and separation of powers (See, Assertions of Untrammeled Presidential Authority--to violate domestic and international laws forbidding torture); habeas corpus (See Assertion of Right to Lock Away "Enemy Combatants" Forever--without due process of law); and federalism (See, Legislative and Executive Rampage--to overturn state court decisions in the Terry Schiavo case).

Rummy: 1. (archaic) A person so drunk he can't recall a thing. 2. (modern) A SECDEF so drunk on power that he refuses to remember anything.

Senate: Exclusive club, entry fee $10 to $30 million.

Social Security: A good idea except for two problems: Social verges on socialism and guarantees of security violate a free market.

Support the Troops: A mandatory mantra which need no longer be mouthed since full "support" can be offered with a simple $1 investment in a magnetic yellow ribbon to affix to the back of your SUV.

Town-hall Meeting: A meeting in a hall in a town where all the participants have first been vetted for loyalty to the Bush administration.

Wilderness: 1. Publicly owned former habitat for wildlife, often endangered, where private corporations go wild drilling for oil and gas, grazing cattle, logging, and building roads. 2. Off-road vehicle theme parks characterized by abundant stumps, oil slicks, tire tracks, flattened owls, and coughing caribou.



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