Paranoia strikes deep - and explains everything

The reason Republicans are so confident they will win tomorrow may be because they have a diabolical but almost foolproof plan. The plan involves having the Justice Department send more than 800 federal election "observers and monitors" to "potentially troubled polling locations" in 20 states, purportedly to protect voters' rights.

However, their real purpose may not be to protect voters' rights, but rather, to override them.

"Ostensibly, it's about protecting voters from discrimination," political commentator Erin Curran says. "But then I heard a computer programmer on the radio say that she's convinced they [the federal agents] will be sent to reprogram the voting machines."

Right. Karl Rove and Alberto Gonzales have persuaded more than 800 federal agents to betray their oath to their country and knowingly commit a federal crime punishable by years in prison, just so the evil Republicans can maintain control of Congress. That's the stupidest, most paranoid thing you've ever heard, correct?

But hold on. Curran says it's been demonstrated that a person can insert what amounts to a hotel room key card into a voting machine, injecting a virus that will switch votes and then erase itself at the end of the election, leaving no trace. "That can be done right in front of a poll worker's or voter's eyes, in 30 seconds, without the observer realizing what's going on," Curran says. "In fact, the person who inserts the virus might not even know what’s going on. Perhaps they’ve been told they are just testing the machine for proper operation, and, of course, they will get a 'green light' from the card they insert. Very few people would have to know that the card is inserting a virus."

In short, these 800+ federal agents could be unwitting tools of the Bush administration, sincerely believing they're protecting voters when in fact they're screwing them.

The Justice Department admits that it is sending these agents to places where the races will be tight. "Yes, the anticipated closeness of races is one factor in our decisions about where we'll be sending people," said Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights Wan Kim. And tight races are where Republican victories - by small, predetermined margins - will be the most plausible.

According to a report from CNN, the monitors will "quietly identify themselves to polling officials, which serves both to provide notice of a source of assistance should problems arise, as well as a not-so-subtle deterrent against raising obstacles to categories of minority voters protected by federal statutes."

"Perhaps they might just take a quick look at the voting machine while they are at it," Curran notes. It would take just a few moments to insert the card - and change the outcome of the election.

Curran says that every credible poll shows Democrats taking the House by a solid majority and quite possibly taking the Senate as well. "Out of 30 closely contested seats," Curran says, "the Democrats need to win two. If they don't have the House by Wednesday, November 8, look to the correlation between the precincts that use voting machines and the appearance of Alberto Gonzales's agents, at specific polling places."

So, if this is all true, why should anyone bother to vote? Haven't the Republicans already won?

Not necessarily, says Curran. He thinks you should go ahead and vote. "A massive contradiction between the pre-election polls, the exit polls, and the machine results could prove useful."