Actual quotes from corporate America

We're in a heap of trouble if these are the people who are running the country...

• From a Microsoft executive: "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

• From Lykes Lines Shipping: "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."

• From the accounting manager at Electric Boat Company: "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."

• From the advertising/marketing manager at United Parcel Service: "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."

• From the plant manager at Delco Corporation: "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

• From the research and development supervisor at 3M Corporation: "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."

• From a marketing executive at Citrix Corporation: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

• From a shipping executive at FTD Florists: "My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

• From the switching supervisor at AT&T's Long Lines Division: "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

• From a Hallmark Cards executive: "One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, 'If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!'"

(Marc Reinertson, Editor, Siebert Creek Village News)