An e-mail from President Bush!
This morning we e-mailed President Bush, expressing our concerns about global warming, and President Bush actually wrote us back.
Well, okay, it wasn't really a response from President Bush, but it was from the White House.
Well, okay, it wasn't really from the White House, but it was from their automatic e-mail response generator.
Here's the reply (annotated for clarity):
"On behalf of President Bush [who is preparing for his month-long vacation while the world goes to hell], thank you for your correspondence [which we have no intention of reading]. We appreciate hearing your views [ha!] and welcome your suggestions [want to buy some swampland?]. The President is committed [he should be, anyway] to continuing our economic progress [down the tubes], defending our freedom [to deprive others of theirs], and upholding our Nation's deepest values [e.g., screwing everyone but the rich].
"Due to the large volume of e-mail received [and ignored], the White House cannot respond to every message [because a house can't read or write, silly!]. Please visit the White House website for the most up-to-date information [lies] on Presidential initiatives [e.g., his plans to clear more brush this year than last], current events [except the secret ones], and topics of interest to you [will the Wizard of Oz ever give Bush a heart, or a brain?]. In order to better receive [and ignore] comments from the public [suckers!], a new [but equally worthless] system has been implemented [by a no-bid contractor]. In the future [if there is one] please send your [futile] comments to email@example.com.
"Thank you again for taking the time to write [even if we didn't take the time to read]."